Totally honest; about becoming a year older…

On my very last day as a 32 year old, this quote popped up on my Facebook feed, posted by a relatively new, but still what I consider as a near and dear friend:

 ”What are we left with when the dust has settled, when we have no more time to throw away? When we are finished thinking about everything that could have been if we had chosen a different direction in one of life’s` many crossroads, and instead we rather decide firmly that what is left is what is to be there forever?” 

My beautiful friend Inger doesn’t know who wrote it, but it hit me in the heart and the face, the smiley face. Because I do smile a lot these days. But it hasn’t always been like that, and this quote reminded me of something soar and a bit difficult. To confess something; my last three birthdays have mostly been about wishing for something to happen. But as my dad uses to say: ”you can take a shit in one hand and wish in the other, and then see where you get the most”. And old sayings always have a point, right? I wished that this year something would happen, this year would be my year, this year things would change. But i didn’t DO anything.

Pirajafiske i Rio Negro, Brasil

Pirajafiske i Rio Negro, Brasil

Or meaning: I did a lot, things I deep inside knew wasn’t the right for me, but the dreams and thoughts that I had was the kind that I didn’t have the guts to put into life. Until one day when it all changed, also that after having had a long and honest conversation with y dad and the decision to travel was made. And now, two months into the journey I don´t regret it for a second. I might be a year older, unemployed and a ”beach bum”, but I can honestly say that this was exactly the right desicion for me. And when I now enter my 33rd birthday I no longer wish for this to become my year – because it already is. Sunset on Ipanema

You see, last year i took that matter in my own hands when deciding to start following my heart, and also; working really hard with myself – with great help from awesome friends and a good therapist has carried fruits. And I wish so hard for so many others to be able to do the same – if I can, so can you!

So, I was in a good place before I left for this journey, mainly because the choice of it was made. I can not stay out here for ever, and i want to come back home and continue my life there. But I will do it knowing that I am a bit better at making the right decisions for me, I am a bit more confident and a whole lot stronger and also: one year older.

I never would have thought that I would see something like this through, but I goddamn did it! And I know that ”what is left,  what is to be there forever” is something great – because I have the power and guts myself to decide what it will be!

Freeflow, Jaco, Costa Rica

Freeflow, Jaco, Costa Rica

It is still the 10th of march for another few hours here in Costa Rica, but counting from the time zone I was born in, I can say it anyway: Happy birthday to myself – this sure as hell is my year, and I feel like the luckiest person alive!

Best birthdaypresent

Best birthday present

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